That’s Not Actually Scary- A Tribute to My Queenie’s Dislike For Horror Movies 

Love is a funny thing. Where most people think some kind of  Joker/ Harley relationship is the image of crazy (literally) lovebirds, I always preferred Gomez and Morticia. While I’ve found my Querida and Königin, we don’t see eye to eye on what makes a good movie. While I’m a diehard Horror-nut, metalhead, punk rock, lover of all things dark, destructive, and dead, my Queenie, surprisingly, is not. As much as I love a good chainsaw dismemberment in a movie or the high energy of being in the thick of a ticking time bomb crowd at a metal show, Queenie prefers a more tame, slightly less blood and guts setting. What this translates to is a fun marriage based on balance and lots of late night horror movies on my part, and tolerance for a constant barrage of Hellraiser, The Misfits, doom metal, and obsessive musings over the next Stephen King movie on Queenie’s part. Fortunately for her I love her more than all that stuff put together, and fortunately for me she loves me more than she can’t stand all of it.

Here’s a small rundown on some of the movies that scared her and in turn scarred her to this genre that I love so much:

IT- Okay, I’ll give her this one. This is a movie that scared a whole generation of people and solidified Pennywise as one of the baddest of the bad villains. Can’t lie, it spooked me a little too as a kid, but now it’s a timeless classic and one of Tim Curry’s best roles. She gets to be scared of this one.

Pet Semetary- Another of those ‘supposed to be scary’ movies so Queenie gets grace here, although I think she may have some kind of Stephen King vendetta. Pet Semetary in my opinion is a better song (go Ramones!) than a movie, but I can see how it can creep someone out. Dead cats and dead babies. I will admit that I still get chills when thinking about the resurrected little boy Gage saying to his dad, ‘and now I want to play with you…’ Spine shivering.

Signs- Alright, here’s where it gets a little squirrelly for me. I understand the suspense in this M. Night Shyamalan movie, but it just didn’t spook me like it did her. Aliens who can be killed by water invading a planet that’s like 95% water??? Irony maybe? I don’t know. The next one is the real icing on the cake though.

Jurassic Park- This is it folks. Queenie won’t sit up and watch the latest incantation of Michael Myers with me because dinosaurs give her nightmares. It’s true. Actually, she saw this movie as a kid and it is one of her favorites, but she gets legitimate nightmares about dinosaurs attacking. With that potential threat she makes the conscious decision to not potentially plague her dreams with more threats (like Freddie, Jason, Pinhead, Jigsaw, etc…)

There you have it. The movies that keep me up late at night watching horror movies all by my lonesome. As a bonus I’d like to list some movies she has sat through that did NOT scare her: The Exorcist, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Dawn of the Dead.

Jurassic Park = Terrifying

The Exorcist = Corny

What the crap man!?!

While she is not the horror nut that I am, I can say she fully supports my twisted passion better than anyone I can imagine. When she goes out of town, she gets me horror box sets to binge watch, she buys most of my horror shirts (and doesn’t even mind being seen with me while wearing them), she listens to all the dark, twisted, plots and ideas I come across in this obsession, and she sleeps peacefully as I sit up till all hours of the morning during my marathons. While this isn’t her cup of tea, there is a twisted side to her too that doesn’t mind being married to a Pinhead obsessed, metal head horror nut, and that is a wonderful and scary thing. I couldn’t imaging being married to a more supportive, loving (and slightly twisted) person, and for that my Black Heart will always belong to My Queenie. While not as into the big, showy darkness, she is still the Morticia to this Gomez. (TM)